My child was stillborn at six months gestation after an induced labor, when we were told he had absolutely no hope of surviving. He had a severe blockage in his ureter, so that urine had backed up into his abdominal cavity, damaging his kidneys, lungs and heart. The doctors said that he would either die before full term, or if he survived, he would either die shortly after birth or have a short and painful life of many, many operations and hospitalizations.
It was the most terrible decision I have ever made and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I couldn't bear the thought of just waiting for him to die while things just went more and more wrong inside of me....that didn't seem like the right parenting decision to me....there was no right choice, only a few shitty ones.
My milk came in the next day, the day we left him to be cremated. I was so tired, so bruised, and then my breasts were incredibly engorged and hot and painful. My poor body just wanted to feed my baby.
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