Cindy & Aiden's Story

My son was delivered stillborn at 22 weeks. He was beautiful and perfect. We named him Aiden, he was our first baby. My milk came in and I had no support or guidance. I was in hysterics on the phone with my doctors office asking for help. They offered vicodin (I am allergic to it) no sorry your baby died, nothing...

I had 3 more miscarriages total and now have 2 living children whom I breastfed. The experience I had with my stillborn son was horrific and I want to spare other moms the pain and loneliness I experienced. The breastfeeding experience with my living children was/is wonderful.

I am now studying to become a lactation consultant so that I can help other mothers with breastfeeding and also reach out to mothers who have lived through the loss of their baby.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story, in memory of our angel babies;
Aiden
Zachary
Keainey
Eireanne

and our living miracles
Cian and Chloe

Vicki's Story

My precious daughter died at 18 weeks of pregnancy, I knew something was dreadfully wrong, I felt so different, I couldn't feel her move and so we went for a scan 2 days later. She had died a few days before. Our grief was enormous, and the labour was long and painful, much worse than with my live and full-term babies. My body struggled to let her go...

I had breastfed my other children but I was totally unprepared. I had no idea that my milk would come so early in pregnancy. It was a huge shock and watching my precious milk flow down the drain was more than I could bear.

There was no local milk bank for me to give to and I knew no one who had a tiny baby in need of my milk, so I watched it flow away, weeping every time and feeling so alone.

Laura's Story

During my 1st pregnancy (2002), I was twenty-five, and considered myself to be a knowledgeable person. I had just started the second trimester of my pregnancy and was healthy, other than being asthmatic & slightly overweight. I had a 3D ultrasound done at 27w4d to try and figure out the sex and everything seemed fine. We were told the baby was a girl.

The following weekend my husband and I attended a NASCAR race and were in the infield almost the entire time. On Monday morning, as I got ready for work, I realized that I had not felt my baby move since Friday. Up until that point the baby was very active on a regular basis. I immediately panicked and became hysterical. I called my OB and spoke with a nurse who told me to come in right away. I saw the Dr., who told me that everything was fine; it was just because I was overweight and the baby changed positions that I could not feel movements.

I left feeling reassured, because the Doctor gave me an explanation. The next day at work I started feeling cramps, like during menstruation and they were quite frequent. I mentioned this to a few female co-workers during lunch. They all said it was normal. The cramps became more painful and frequent. I was worried, so I called my Dr. again & his nurse told me it was Braxton Hicks contractions and not to worry. I was 28 weeks,4 days at this point.

So, a few days later I saw my OB again, this time for my normal appt at 29 weeks. He used a Doppler to listen for the heartbeat and then asked me to get dressed and come into his office. I went in and he told me that he needed me to meet him at the hospital to confirm something.

I got to the hospital and was directed to Labor & Delivery. I was clueless as to what was happening. My Doctor came in with a portable ultrasound machine, did a quick ultrasound and told me "the baby does not have a heartbeat". From there, it was mostly a blur. I was induced and delivered our first child, a son about 12 hours later. I went home from the hospital without a baby and two days later endured my most difficult and painful Mother's Day ever.

The day after Mother's Day was even more horrible than the days before. I woke up with huge rocks where my breasts used to be. I was in shock and in a tremendous amount of pain. I had no idea my milk would come in. Naively, I thought that since my baby was born dead, my body would not produce milk. Not a single person at the Hospital had mentioned anything.

I called my OB's office and asked what I could do to alleviate the pain and make the milk go away. I was told to take ibuprofen and apply ice. That's it. I still remember being in extreme pain at my son's funeral, a week after he was born. It seemed so cruel that the same body that could not grow a healthy child could produce the miracle of breastmilk. I felt mocked and cheated all at the same time.

Years later I learned that my Doctor could have prescribed me prescription medication to stop my milk from coming in. Also, there are OTC choices to help. Lastly, I found out that I could have pumped and donated my breastmilk to a baby in need. No that I know different, I will share this priceless knowledge while also hoping that I never have anyone to share it with.

Alone and 17

I was 17 (and single) when I became pregnant and lost the baby at 12 weeks. Even though the miscarriage was "for the best," this was 20 years ago and I still think of that baby almost every day - and almost no one knows about him/her. I held his (I think of the baby as a boy) body and because I was too young to be pregnant, and not many people knew, I had to just flush his body away. I think of this and feel such regret and loss - I wish I had known more at the time, and had some sort of burial for him.

I now am married and a mother of three. But the baby I lost is always added to my number of children only in my mind and heart.

Thank you for this opportunity to tell my story.