by Amy
Even when I felt I'd lost everything, I still had something invaluable to give... Bryson’s “liquid gold” or breast milk and a chance at life for other sick infants. This realization came about when I felt that through my heartbreak, I still had some purpose as Bryson’s Mommy. (All thanks to my forever babies, Bryson and his previously past sibling, Joey Skylor, for giving me this insight. I'm such a proud Mommy! Even though their lives were so short and some people wouldn't even say they had lived, they have come together to save the lives of others.)
It is said that all life has a purpose, maybe the short lives of my angel babies were to inspire their Mommy, giving hope, courage, and the strength to save the life of someone else’s baby, though I could do nothing for my own. A woman who pumps breast milk is said to be expressing her milk. For me, donating Bryson’s breast milk is the only physical way to express my love for my angel babies; To keep their memory alive and give meaning to their short lives, not only to me but to complete strangers as well.
The other invaluable benefit would be to prevent another family from feeling the deepest, most horrific pain, grief, and despair ever imaginable… the loss of a precious child and all the hopes and dreams that went with that new little life. I have faith that the Lord, along with Bryson and Joey Skylor, will continue to help me through my grief and continue to guide me through the donation process.
As of today, January 22nd, 2011, exactly 12 weeks since Bryson was born, I have collected about 4200oz or about 32 gallons of his milk (pumping every 3-4 hours through the day and night). I often think back to a quote in Pat Schweibert’s book, When Hello Means Goodbye: “My body had its own grief. And its tears were white.” Mommy will always love you Joey Skylor and Bryson! You can read more about our story at Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope.
Amy's Faces of Hope story (just scroll down to the post date of Thursday, January 6, 2011). Amy's Faces of Loss story
Showing posts with label Donation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Donation. Show all posts
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Britton's Story
We were full term (38 1/2 weeks) with our second child, our first son, Kenton, and went to the hospital on Wed. night to induce him. The nurse brought me into the room and began to hook up the contraction and heart rate monitor, and immediately I knew that SOMETHING was wrong. She stayed calm and tried to reassure me, but they brought in an ultrasound technician, and they wouldn't tell me anything, but I have had enough us's in my life to know that there was no heartbeat.
Finally the nurse came back in the room after having called my OB to tell me that the heartbeat just wasn't there. It was a total shock, and then the realization hit me that I was still going to have to go through the delivery process... during that 6 1/2 hours, I went through all of the stages of grief, but with the support of my amazing husband and family, we decided right then and there that we were going to find some way to use this as an opportunity to serve others.
We cried, mourned, prayed, etc. over and over again, but even in the midst of our grief, there was an unbelievable sense of peace that God placed over us. It allowed me to know God even better - my son had been taken from me, but God sent His son to die for us - and as morbid as that might sound, it made me feel better!
The next day I had the daunting task of trying to tell our 2 1/2 year old daughter what happened to the baby brother she had been waiting for so long to meet. She took it surprisingly well, although I know that there will come a time or two that she will need more explanation.
My sister-in-law is a doula and lactation specialist, so she is the one who suggested donating the milk, but she didn't get there until 3 days later. I pumped 3 times a day or whenever I felt full to avoid engorgement. I wish I had someone on staff at the hospital who was there at the beginning of our journey mention all the possibilities to me.
I do want to share out there to other women who might be going through this to take pictures with their baby - a great organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep took pictures of Kenton that I will treasure forever, and will be great when my daughter and future children grow up and ask about their brother.
Keep your treasures - it's not holding on to the past, but hanging on to a piece of what lies in your future when you get to hold your happy baby in Heaven!
Finally the nurse came back in the room after having called my OB to tell me that the heartbeat just wasn't there. It was a total shock, and then the realization hit me that I was still going to have to go through the delivery process... during that 6 1/2 hours, I went through all of the stages of grief, but with the support of my amazing husband and family, we decided right then and there that we were going to find some way to use this as an opportunity to serve others.
We cried, mourned, prayed, etc. over and over again, but even in the midst of our grief, there was an unbelievable sense of peace that God placed over us. It allowed me to know God even better - my son had been taken from me, but God sent His son to die for us - and as morbid as that might sound, it made me feel better!
The next day I had the daunting task of trying to tell our 2 1/2 year old daughter what happened to the baby brother she had been waiting for so long to meet. She took it surprisingly well, although I know that there will come a time or two that she will need more explanation.
My sister-in-law is a doula and lactation specialist, so she is the one who suggested donating the milk, but she didn't get there until 3 days later. I pumped 3 times a day or whenever I felt full to avoid engorgement. I wish I had someone on staff at the hospital who was there at the beginning of our journey mention all the possibilities to me.
I do want to share out there to other women who might be going through this to take pictures with their baby - a great organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep took pictures of Kenton that I will treasure forever, and will be great when my daughter and future children grow up and ask about their brother.
Keep your treasures - it's not holding on to the past, but hanging on to a piece of what lies in your future when you get to hold your happy baby in Heaven!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Jill's Story
Joshua was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. After 2 open heart surgeries, the first one at 3 days old, and the 2nd at 1 month old, Joshua passed away at 7 weeks old on Oct. 6, 2010. I pumped almost exclusively those 7 weeks and stored all of my pumped milk.
Just today, Oct. 22, I donated almost 900 ounces of my milk to the Indiana Milk Bank. Please visit my blog to follow our story.
Just today, Oct. 22, I donated almost 900 ounces of my milk to the Indiana Milk Bank. Please visit my blog to follow our story.
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Story of Rowan's Milk
When I lost my daughter Rowan, she was full term and my second child, so I knew that my milk was likely to come in within a few days. The hospital gave me no lactation education. I specifically asked when it became clear that the nurse was done giving me my “check out” information without mentioning lactation. What little information she gave me was outdated and unhelpful.
As soon as I came home from the hospital, my dear friend and La Leche League Leader, Melissa Cole, from Luna Lactation, came to my home with herb teas and tinctures--sage and peppermint to help dry up my milk and motherwort to help with the hormonal and emotional changes I would be experiencing. When my midwives asked how I felt about my milk coming in, I thought it would be easier on my already raw emotions if it did not.
My body had other ideas. This was my second child and my breasts remembered what to do. In spite of drinking tons of iced peppermint tea with plenty of sage and motherwort, my milk came in on day three. By that night my breasts were achy and hard. I called Melissa to help me figure out what to do next. She suggested that I pump off just enough to feel comfortable so I would not increase the milk production, and take ibuprofen for the pain. I used icepacks and cabbage leaves to help make me more comfortable, but the milk just kept increasing. My heart ached as I woke every two hours with breast engorged with milk and no baby to drink it.
By three a.m. I found myself emailing Melissa to ask about donating my milk. She had mentioned that possibility and I had already pumped 9 oz in less than five hours. I did not think that a Milk Bank would take my milk because of my allergy medications, but several of my friends had been involved with direct mother to mother donation. Another friend, who gave me a great deal of support through this difficult time, had two adopted sons, and she told me how appreciative she had been for any breast milk she could get for her babies. I realized my milk was going to come in whether I wanted it or not. So I made the decision to pump as long as I needed to and find someone who could use it rather than suffer trying to suppress or dry up the milk.
My sister had a four-month-old baby herself. She had some of her milk stored in our freezer, and when I saw the difference in the color of our milk I knew mine was the “Liquid Gold” they talk about. I wanted to donate it to a newborn who needed the extra nutrients and immunities. As it turned out, I found a friend of a friend who had an adopted seven- week-old baby boy by the same name as my daughter, Rowan. I knew then it was meant to be. I came to love the idea that my baby’s milk could help another baby thrive. I could even write on the freezer bags “Rowan’s Milk” as I had wanted to, and not worry that it would make the recipient mother too sad.
Over the next five or six weeks, I was able to donate about 450oz of milk to “the other Rowan.” My friend Lauren, who was a part of the Oregon Nursing Mother’s Counsel, helped me buy a new Medela Pump In Style Advanced at a discount when it became clear that my ancient pump was not up to the challenge of exclusive pumping. My sister was returning to work in a month, so she was able to use it when I weaned off pumping. Any time I felt full or uncomfortable, I pumped until empty and froze the milk. But as soon as I spaced out my pumping and pumped a little less each day, I was able to wean very quickly without any engorgement or discomfort. I am sure I could have weaned sooner, but I hesitated to give up that one last physical connection to my sweet baby and wanted to give as much milk as I could.
Melissa never stayed long when she visited as she had a newborn herself. Our babies were due only five weeks apart so she did not want to bring her to see me. But I do not know how I would have gotten through those first few weeks after losing Rowan without her expertise and support. I am still infuriated that the hospital allowed me to leave without seeing a lactation consultant or even mentioning that my milk would come in. Most women do not have the resources I do, and I hope to expand the Remembering Rowan Project to find ways to provide resources to those mothers who need them.
I have talked to many other mothers in the past two years and learned that after miscarriage or even an abortion some women may lactate, but no one ever warned them. A friend who lost her baby to SIDS spoke of crying in the shower as her milk went down the drain until a friend finally called a lactation consultant to help her. Sadly, it is not only the mothers who lack this information, but most of the Lactation Consultants, Breastfeeding Educators, and Doulas I have talked to do not know much about how to help their clients who have lost a baby.
When you lose a baby you suddenly discover you are a part of a secret club. Many people do not talk about their experiences until another mother has lost her baby. However, the fact that most women will lactate after losing a baby, even early in pregnancy, is the even bigger secret. Once you have lost your baby, you are given lots of resources on how to deal with the emotional grief but no one warns you about the physical grief. Pat Schweibert’s book, When Hello Means Goodbye, given out in many hospitals, says it well, “My body had its own grief. And its tears were white.”
As soon as I came home from the hospital, my dear friend and La Leche League Leader, Melissa Cole, from Luna Lactation, came to my home with herb teas and tinctures--sage and peppermint to help dry up my milk and motherwort to help with the hormonal and emotional changes I would be experiencing. When my midwives asked how I felt about my milk coming in, I thought it would be easier on my already raw emotions if it did not.
My body had other ideas. This was my second child and my breasts remembered what to do. In spite of drinking tons of iced peppermint tea with plenty of sage and motherwort, my milk came in on day three. By that night my breasts were achy and hard. I called Melissa to help me figure out what to do next. She suggested that I pump off just enough to feel comfortable so I would not increase the milk production, and take ibuprofen for the pain. I used icepacks and cabbage leaves to help make me more comfortable, but the milk just kept increasing. My heart ached as I woke every two hours with breast engorged with milk and no baby to drink it.
By three a.m. I found myself emailing Melissa to ask about donating my milk. She had mentioned that possibility and I had already pumped 9 oz in less than five hours. I did not think that a Milk Bank would take my milk because of my allergy medications, but several of my friends had been involved with direct mother to mother donation. Another friend, who gave me a great deal of support through this difficult time, had two adopted sons, and she told me how appreciative she had been for any breast milk she could get for her babies. I realized my milk was going to come in whether I wanted it or not. So I made the decision to pump as long as I needed to and find someone who could use it rather than suffer trying to suppress or dry up the milk.
My sister had a four-month-old baby herself. She had some of her milk stored in our freezer, and when I saw the difference in the color of our milk I knew mine was the “Liquid Gold” they talk about. I wanted to donate it to a newborn who needed the extra nutrients and immunities. As it turned out, I found a friend of a friend who had an adopted seven- week-old baby boy by the same name as my daughter, Rowan. I knew then it was meant to be. I came to love the idea that my baby’s milk could help another baby thrive. I could even write on the freezer bags “Rowan’s Milk” as I had wanted to, and not worry that it would make the recipient mother too sad.
Over the next five or six weeks, I was able to donate about 450oz of milk to “the other Rowan.” My friend Lauren, who was a part of the Oregon Nursing Mother’s Counsel, helped me buy a new Medela Pump In Style Advanced at a discount when it became clear that my ancient pump was not up to the challenge of exclusive pumping. My sister was returning to work in a month, so she was able to use it when I weaned off pumping. Any time I felt full or uncomfortable, I pumped until empty and froze the milk. But as soon as I spaced out my pumping and pumped a little less each day, I was able to wean very quickly without any engorgement or discomfort. I am sure I could have weaned sooner, but I hesitated to give up that one last physical connection to my sweet baby and wanted to give as much milk as I could.
Melissa never stayed long when she visited as she had a newborn herself. Our babies were due only five weeks apart so she did not want to bring her to see me. But I do not know how I would have gotten through those first few weeks after losing Rowan without her expertise and support. I am still infuriated that the hospital allowed me to leave without seeing a lactation consultant or even mentioning that my milk would come in. Most women do not have the resources I do, and I hope to expand the Remembering Rowan Project to find ways to provide resources to those mothers who need them.
I have talked to many other mothers in the past two years and learned that after miscarriage or even an abortion some women may lactate, but no one ever warned them. A friend who lost her baby to SIDS spoke of crying in the shower as her milk went down the drain until a friend finally called a lactation consultant to help her. Sadly, it is not only the mothers who lack this information, but most of the Lactation Consultants, Breastfeeding Educators, and Doulas I have talked to do not know much about how to help their clients who have lost a baby.
When you lose a baby you suddenly discover you are a part of a secret club. Many people do not talk about their experiences until another mother has lost her baby. However, the fact that most women will lactate after losing a baby, even early in pregnancy, is the even bigger secret. Once you have lost your baby, you are given lots of resources on how to deal with the emotional grief but no one warns you about the physical grief. Pat Schweibert’s book, When Hello Means Goodbye, given out in many hospitals, says it well, “My body had its own grief. And its tears were white.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)