Britton's Story

We were full term (38 1/2 weeks) with our second child, our first son, Kenton, and went to the hospital on Wed. night to induce him. The nurse brought me into the room and began to hook up the contraction and heart rate monitor, and immediately I knew that SOMETHING was wrong. She stayed calm and tried to reassure me, but they brought in an ultrasound technician, and they wouldn't tell me anything, but I have had enough us's in my life to know that there was no heartbeat.

Finally the nurse came back in the room after having called my OB to tell me that the heartbeat just wasn't there. It was a total shock, and then the realization hit me that I was still going to have to go through the delivery process... during that 6 1/2 hours, I went through all of the stages of grief, but with the support of my amazing husband and family, we decided right then and there that we were going to find some way to use this as an opportunity to serve others.

We cried, mourned, prayed, etc. over and over again, but even in the midst of our grief, there was an unbelievable sense of peace that God placed over us. It allowed me to know God even better - my son had been taken from me, but God sent His son to die for us - and as morbid as that might sound, it made me feel better!

The next day I had the daunting task of trying to tell our 2 1/2 year old daughter what happened to the baby brother she had been waiting for so long to meet. She took it surprisingly well, although I know that there will come a time or two that she will need more explanation.

My sister-in-law is a doula and lactation specialist, so she is the one who suggested donating the milk, but she didn't get there until 3 days later. I pumped 3 times a day or whenever I felt full to avoid engorgement. I wish I had someone on staff at the hospital who was there at the beginning of our journey mention all the possibilities to me.

I do want to share out there to other women who might be going through this to take pictures with their baby - a great organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep took pictures of Kenton that I will treasure forever, and will be great when my daughter and future children grow up and ask about their brother.

Keep your treasures - it's not holding on to the past, but hanging on to a piece of what lies in your future when you get to hold your happy baby in Heaven!

Elijah Patrick Cropp

Elijah Patrick Cropp was born on March 20, 2008 at 8:20pm in Nashville, Tennessee. He was born still after an umbilical cord accident in utero. He was absolutely perfect!

I had the priviledge of having personal midwives attend my birth. They were my friends, we worked together. My birth was everything I wanted it to be under the circumstances.

The days and weeks that followed were the worst in my life, ever. But, thinking back to my birth I am not saddened, I am overjoyed with the time I had with my son. I wish I had held him skin-to-skin and taken pictures of his naked body. We were blessed to have a photographer with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep come to take fabulous pictures of our family.

I miss my little Elijah something terrible. However, we have had another child since then and she has been a healing power in my life. She is a distraction, not a replacement. Grief of Elijah gets easier and easier with time; but I also hate that it gets easier. Nursing my babies is a huge part of my life. I wish I had been able to nurse Elijah. You can peek into our world by watching our slideshow.